I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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