I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
