Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
