On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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