She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
