how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I fill condoms, not promises.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
