he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
