You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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