I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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