Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
