we have pet lesbian snakes
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
