I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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