Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
