My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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