Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
