well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
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