Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I love you. Go after that dick
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
