real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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