White coat. Heels.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
