I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
