I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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