I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
