he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
