Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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