Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
