these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
