So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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