i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
