So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
