It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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