He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
