He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
