so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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