This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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