drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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