It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
