Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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