The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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