The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
