So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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