that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
