I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
