mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
