...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
