You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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