that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
