Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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