my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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