So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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