Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
His nipple licking is glorious
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