true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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