Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
