you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
