I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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